My husband and I took a vacation. Just the two of us. We took the same vacation almost exactly 2 years ago and I wrote this at the time:
...it reminded me of the importance of that one-on-one time with your spouse, post-kids. It’s easy to get into a routine and plan family-time and vacations, but time, alone, with your spouse is so important. I want my kids to grow up in a family filled with love and one way to help ensure that is to nurture our marriage.
Time alone reminds you of why you fell in love with this person in the first place. The grind of day-to-day family life can take it’s toll on a marriage. For example:
- work
- money
- a 2-year-old boy who screams ALL THE TIME (sorry, probably too specific to my life…but a legitimate stress)
- potty-training stress–or whatever “stage” you happen to be in with kids (teething, learning to crawl/walk, transitioning from 2 naps to 1 or NO naps, the “I know everything” phase, etc)
- sick kids
- band gig schedule (ok, maybe a little too specific to my marriage AGAIN, but you get the point)
These things can start to add up and instead of talking with each other, you just talk “at” one another. The first couple of years after having a child are the hardest on a marriage (lack of sleep, new stress you are learning how to deal with, your spouse not being able to read your mind) and time away is essential to re-connecting.
I joked back in 2013 that I felt like our trip saved our marriage. While that's a bit dramatic, it can be stated that we had been more strained for the previous three years than we ever had prior to that. Before 2013, our last vacation was before the kids were born and having back-to-back babies was definitely stressful. So, yes, saying the vacation "saved our marriage" is an exaggeration, but it was the best thing we could have done for 'us' at the time.
Us in Vegas in 2013
The best thing to come out of that vacation was the realization that we needed to make time away for just us a priority. Maybe not something as big as Vegas or long like a week, but a trip away, just us, each year, is necessary.
As we moved away from the baby stage and into the school-aged kids era, the stress in our life didn't go away, but it changed. Overall, the past two years (since our 2013 Vegas trip) has been a little less intense than those first three years of our children's lives (yay for sleeping through the night!).
But that does not make the time away any less needed.
We didn't do a lot on this get-away. We lounged by the pool, explored Vegas (both the strip and Fremont), saw a show, gambled very little, ate very well. But we spent almost every minute together. Sometimes talking, sometimes just next to each other. We held hands. We laughed. A lot.
Our home for 4 days.
View from the room.
Some of the food and beverages we enjoyed. (Actual size of a fish taco.)
Selfie action.
I had three things on my agenda for this vacation:
1. Pool time.
2. Reading time.
3. Husband time.
Not necessarily in that order.
It was a major success.
I'm not really into "proclamation declaring" but I will say this. It may seem indulgent when you have a family to try to plan a vacation without the kids. It may seem hard: it is a lot of planning, making sure the kids are set up and ready for an extended time away from their regular routine. It may seem unnecessary. But, once you do it, I think you'll see the value in it. I know I was in the uncertainty boat originally. I worried about being away from the kids for so long--I had spent nearly every moment up until that time with them. But I'm so happy we did it and have agreed that this is an essential part of our lives together.
We were fortunate enough to be able to take a family vacation in February to Florida and then this one, alone. If we could financially swing that, I'd want to do this every year--one family trip, one adult-only trip. However, it may not be possible for two "big" trips in a year, but that doesn't mean "little" trips wouldn't offer the same results.
I love going up north, I'm a true Minnesotan who grew up with summers at the cabin. I think a long weekend in Duluth would accomplish the same goals--it's simply about taking some time away. And seriously, us Midwesterners are so lucky--we are relatively close to Chicago. A weekend there is always fun, especially if you're lucky enough to have family in Milwaukee who may like a couple days with a couple kiddos (*wink-wink*).
And you know what? The kids talked about their "vacation," too. And they were just at grandma and grandpa's! Creating memories for our kids, reconnecting with each other. Best of both worlds.
Side note, while in Vegas we saw lots of families; a lot of parents with their small children. We talked about whether we'd want to bring the kids to Vegas (no) but then I realized we really didn't have a reason to do so. Why? Because we live within 4 hours of "Vegas for Kids" aka: Wisconsin Dells. What more could they need?
xo Sara
{P.S. If you like vacation posts, here's my recap of our trip to Florida and here's the full post from our 2013 trip to Vegas. And here's when I wrote about our need to have more date nights--even if it's in our house, after the kids go to bed.}