I Had a Dream...

...that my phone bent in half and then turned into dust right in my hands. And then blew away with the wind.

I don't think that symbolizes anything, do you?

And I didn't wake up in too much of a panic... Well, I did immediately reach for my phone. 

When I told my husband this story he rolled his eyes and said, "you seriously have a problem."

Love you too, sweetie.

www.writingwithbangles.com

Do you have something you don't think you could live without? And I'm talking materialistic things here, I don't want any comments saying your family or something sentimental. Because of course if I had to choose between my husband/kids and my phone I'd pick my...ummm...I mean obviously my....well....

I may have a problem. 

xo Sara

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Mind Reading

www.writingwithbangles.com

I read a great blog post from Meredith at Baubles and Birds recently about relationships. "5 Ways to Instantly Make Your Relationship Stronger" was filled with great insight and after I finished reading, it got me thinking of my relationship and what I would add, if anything.

Then I thought of the number one thing you see when reading about relationships. How many times do you read a book/article/post about relationships and see this word:

Communication.

I see that and always think--obviously. If you don't "communicate" with your significant other, what do you have left?

But it took having kids for me to truly understand this.

Pre-Kid time in my relationship (I'll just speak for myself since I'm not an expert and certainly don't want to make assumptions about other relationships) was easy. Sure, there were conflicts that came up about money or how we wanted to spend our time or where we wanted to go to dinner... 

{There were probably other conflicts, but honestly I don't remember what they were. It feels like Pre-Kid time was a lifetime ago.}

But once kids entered the picture 4 things happened.

1. Many of those old conflicts were no longer relevant. We didn't argue about were to go to dinner because we stopped leaving our house.
2. Other conflicts were amplified because there were new factors. Money became a bigger stress--mainly because we went from being a dual-income couple to a single-income family of 4 in less than 2 years.
3. New conflicts arose. Big ones. Hard ones.
4. Sleep became a luxury we could no longer afford. And lack of sleep made all of the above much, much worse.

I feel like I spent mid-2010 until early 2012 (Early-Kid time) in a complete fog. And my husband and I had a lot of arguments (lack of sleep is a cruel thing). Looking back, the majority of them were petty fights...disagreements over the smallest things, but at the time they seemed huge. 

I was talking to a good friend back in those sleep-deprived days and we were saying how we wished our husbands would just do some things without being asked. I mean, can't they read our minds?

That was my "aha moment." Because, no, my husband can't read my mind. And I should probably stop wishing he could. If I need something, how do I expect my husband to help if I don't tell him?

This, I realized, was the source to much of my frustration: having to ask my husband to do things. Because I wanted him to just do those things, unprompted. You know, read my mind and respond accordingly.

But, here's the thing. Anytime I asked my husband to do anything, he did it. Every. Single. Time. Middle of the night. The second he walked in the door from work. It didn't matter when I asked him to do something or what it was, he did it. So I was wasting time wishing I didn't have to ask him for things? Wow. That seems kind of lazy, doesn't it?

But, like I said earlier, we were both in a fog. We both wanted our needs met by using the least amount of energy possible because we had nothing left in the tank. We really were running on empty. 

And the most amazing thing happened. Once I stopped being resentful of having to ask him to do things--of no longer expecting him to read my mind--a lot of little fights (that would get blown up) stopped. And it worked both ways.

So. Communication. It just took a couple years of sleep deprivation for me to really understand. 

And now my husband and I never fight. We are perfect.

Oh my goodness that's probably the funniest thing I've ever written. Trust me--we are nowhere near perfect and we certainly still argue.

But at least we know how to "communicate" what's bothering us and at a minimum don't expect the other to be a mind-reader. 

And an update: Current-Kid time is going well...the majority of my conflicts these days are with my 4-going-on-14-year-old. She does not understand that I can't read her mind. Lord knows I wish I could, then I would know if I'm supposed to turn on her light today or if she wants to do it. Because, seriously, if I do the wrong thing it has the potential to ruin her our day.

xo Sara

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Friday Favorites

My current favorite thing is...

Being nominated for fun "awards" from fellow bloggers!

Awhile back my blogging friend Beth from Bethie the Boo nominated me for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. I loved answering her fun questions and then passing the challenge on to other bloggers. I think what's so fun about these types of posts is that you really get to know more about the person behind the blog. And as an avid blog reader, I enjoy that. And for you, my readers, I hope you like getting to know me a little better, too. (Even you, mom. Wait. I hope you're one of my readers...)

Well, Beth did it again...she nominated me for the Liebster Award. In her own words: 

"the Liebster award is a sweet award given from bloggers to other bloggers  - the term Liebster has German origins and means sweetest, kindest, nicest, lovely, etc."

www.writingwithbangles.com

How fun, right? Here are her questions and my answers:

How did you decide on the title of your blog? 

I wanted something simple but memorable; something that summed me up in a couple of words. And if you know me, you know I'm always accessorized. And I'm always writing (or thinking about writing) or reading. Plus, I had a vision for my header picture and writing with bangles seemed like a perfect fit. In fact, I am typing while wearing bangles right now.

What one word sums up the heart of your blog and why?

Honesty. I try to be as honest and transparent as possible. So many of my posts are derived from moments in my life that caused me to stop and think--typically those "less than perfect" moments. I'm very introspective and this blog is a representation of that.

What is your favorite pastime other than blogging?

Reading. When I make time for it. Otherwise my dvr. Oh, and hanging with my family. Of course. That's a given, right?

What is your favorite aspect of blogging?

I love writing. I've always been a creative person--I've written short stories and essays for as long as I can remember (as a child I would make up news stories for my cousins, sister and I to read "on air" when we played "The News"). I have a dream of writing a book someday. But for now I'll "settle" for blogging--which I don't consider "settling" at all. I love it.

Which recipe, project or idea on my blog (Beth's) would you like to try most?

I love Beth's style and her willingness to try different things. I get stuck in a rut so often and don't think outside the box. She's a constant inspiration for me stylistically. 

Where does your blog inspiration come from?

Where doesn't it? My kids (obviously), our family adventures, observations, reading (especially blogs)...really, everywhere. I've gone through times when I feel less inspired but that's on me. I'm just not open to it because, really, inspiration is all around.

What is one country in the world you  would like to visit? Why?

England. I know there are so many exotic places to visit in the world but I've always wanted to go there, specifically London. Between all the history and as a big Beatles fan, there are so many places I'd like to see. Plus, England is like a hop skip and a jump from France, right? So it's reasonable that by visiting that country I'd hop on over to the other. And then there's Ireland...

If you have children, what are their names? If not, what are your favorite boy and girl names?

I have two kids, a boy and a girl. My daughter, Elena, was named after her two great-grandmothers. My grandma's name is Elaine and my husband's grandma's name is Lena. We decided to combine those names and came up with Elena. My son's name is Brandon. It's not quite as creative (remember--he was born 11 months after my daughter, I don't know if we had enough functioning brain cells at the time to come up with as creative a name) but it was a name we both liked. A classic. And his middle name is Allen, which was my father's middle name, too. So there was sentiment attached to his name.

And in case you were wondering (in reference to part two of this question), my favorite girl and boy names are Elena and Brandon.

A long-lost relative leaves you a large sum of money. What do you do with it?

Pay off our debts, number one. Boring, but what a relief that would be. Next, put aside money for college for the kids. Then, if that long-lost relative was SUPER generous and we still had money left, take lots and lots of vacations. I love Minnesota and have no desire to move out-of-state, but I do like the idea of several vacations to warm destinations during the cold months.

In your opinion, what is the best blog post you've written so far? 

Unplugging and Reconnecting is a favorite because I made a conscious decision to focus on my relationship with my husband. We had an in-home date night with beer, cards and pizza. It was awesome. 

And, because I apparently can't follow the rules, another favorite was A Day in the Life. I loved this one because I let my creative writing skills come out and play for a bit. It was fun...it's what I imagined was going on in my (at the time) 3 year-old's head throughout a day.

{FYI: There's a page of some of my other favorite posts here.}

What is your favorite food?

Bread. Any bread. Sweet bread (ie: donuts, pastries), bread that's a part of other foods (ie: crusts on pizza), bread that's fried, baked, toasted, or just out of the bag. Any and every type of bread. My husband jokes that the majority of meals I eat are just a formality for the bread. It's true--often I spend more time thinking about what type of bread would work with a meal than I do on the actual meal. 

I nominate these lovely ladies to answer the same questions, if they'd like:

Meredith at baublesandbirds.com

Katie at KatieLookingForward.com

Aimee at WhyILeftMyJob.com

Tia at dilettantilife.com

Happy Friday!

xo Sara

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No More No

I was changing the paper towel roll in the kitchen the other day when I set the old, empty roll on the counter as I attached a new one. My son came over and started reaching for it, asking if he could have it. 

I said no. 

I then stopped what I was doing. Why had I just said no? And why had I said it so quickly, with no thought? As though there was no other option?

I grabbed the empty roll and handed it to my son. He took it quickly (perhaps in fear that I'd once again change my mind) and then just stared at it in awe. In the week that followed, he only let go of it for bath time. It went in the car with him. It went outside with him. It went to bed with him. He pretended it was a telescope. A microphone. A sword. He played drums with it. His cars went through it. Endless entertainment. His fantastic imagination, on display. 

It has been the best new "toy" he's probably ever received. And I almost denied him this opportunity. 

I wasn't saying no just to be mean. I wasn't saying no because I thought it was a dangerous toy. In fact I wasn't saying no for any reason whatsoever. I said no out of reflex. Without thinking, as though 'no' is the only answer.

A few days later the kids were wrestling. This is a normal occurrence at our house. I told them to stop. They did...and then they started running around and yelling. I yelled (yes, the irony is not lost on me), "No yelling! No running!"

B stopped and said, "mommy, don't say no!"

Yes, it was a little sassy, but also a good reminder. I do say no a lot. As a mom of two preschool-aged kids, it's kind of necessary. 

At least that's what I always assumed.

From no running, no coloring on walls, no more tv, no candy for breakfast to no you can't have that. No you can't do this. No we can't go there. no. No. NO. 

I started to think about how many times a day I say no to my kids. And how many times that 'no' is just a reflex, typically because I'm preoccupied with something.

It's time to flip the script. At least that's what I'm trying to do. There will still be plenty of opportunities to say no...they are 3 and 4, after all. But I am trying to take a breath when I'm asked something. And I'm trying to only say 'no' if I have a reason. I want it to be easier to say 'yes.'

But, no, you really can't have candy for breakfast. At least not every day.

xo Sara

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Friday Favorites

{Friday Favorites. A new weekly installment where I write about a favorite thing. It could be anything--a book I couldn't put down, a restaurant I love, a quote that resonated for me. Fridays are fun days so let's have fun!}

My current favorite thing is...

Civic duty!

If you know me, you know I'm a closet nerd. Or is it geek? And is it really "closet" if everyone knows? Regardless, I like politics, I like current events, I like reading, I like pop culture. And election day is basically my super bowl. 

I'm not going to tell you where my politics lie. To be honest that's not with this is about. It's about how special it is that we get the privilege of voting. We get a say. And I love seeing what people in my little community, my state and my country have to say. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I disagree, but you know what? We all have a voice. 

Plus, I love including my kids in the process. No, they don't really understand it, but they've gone every year with us since they were babies (because yes, we even vote on those really off years when you are literally just voting for city council members or school board representatives or other random positions). And this year when I said we had to go vote, my daughter replied with, "Yay! We'll walk to the school and when we're done we get a sticker!" So no, she doesn't understand the voting specifics, but she remembers that it is an activity we do every year. And that you get a sticker when you're done.  You know, the important parts.

I hope you all let your voices be heard this week. And I love that I have friends and family whose politics run all over the board--republican, democrat, green party, independent--and yet we all love each other and respect each other's opinions. Yay, America!

And as exciting as mid-term elections are...I'm VERY excited to see how the next couple of years shake out and who ends up on the ballot in 2016. Oops. There's the "closet" nerd coming out again. Oh, well. 

xo Sara

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Follow

On Time and Turning Five

"Mommy, on my next birthday I'll be FIVE!"

That statement made me stop in my tracks. Every birthday brings an element of "where does the time go" and "oh my goodness, my baby isn't a baby anymore!" But FIVE.

Five years old. I don't know what it is about hearing her say that. I'm sure part of the reason is knowing that kindergarten is right around the bend. And I've heard that once kids start school, time really flies.

Now, I should probably pause here and share some information. 

My daughter doesn't turn 5 until May.

It's currently November.

I should probably put away the kleenex and stop contemplating what I'll wear to her high school graduation.

I have a little time to get used to this.

xo Sara

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Fall in Review

Now that November is here I thought I'd recap the past couple of months on the blog. I'll do this monthly going forward, but since this is the first installment I figured I'd reflect on the season that was.

It's hard to believe that fall is almost over and we are about to embark on the coldest time of year. Minnesota has had a pretty spectacular fall, I wrote about that in Lovely Leaves. Also, this picture from that post was featured in an online magazine's favorite fall photos, so be sure to check that out, too (link in original post)!

While overall it has been a beautiful fall, we did have some rain days. And with that brought some laziness--who doesn't just want to curl up under a blanket and read when it's gloomy outside? Well, now that I'm a momma I don't always have the ability to ignore the outside world while I become engrossed in a novel...mainly because my two very loud children typically have other plans. But, every once in awhile, the stars align and I get the motherhood version of curling up with a book. You can read all about that here. 

In September I published my first ever series and it was all about Twitter! With my background in eduction and HR/Training, this was a fun three-part series to put together. And the response was great; I love helping people understand things that previously seemed overwhelming. Here's a link to part one; the other parts are linked at the bottom of that post. Plus, I loved it so much I'm open to requests--what do you think I should write my next series on?

A post that struck a nerve with many was The Last Time. This was a poem my husband sent me about remembering to enjoy every moment with your child because you never know when it's the last time--the last time you'll carry them, the last time you'll wipe a dirty face, the last time you'll read them a bedtime story. I'll admit, I cried when I first read it. And, judging from your blog/facebook/twitter comments, I wasn't alone.

I had two favorite posts from the past couple of months. Back in September I wrote Where's the Mommy? about getting back in the picture with my kids instead of always taking the pictures or, more importantly, deleting those pictures that I'm in for various, dumb, reasons. It was a hard post to write because it's something I'm still struggling with--how to not be so hypercritical of myself--but it helped to know I'm not alone.

My other favorite post was one I just wrote last week, For Girls Only. Here's a picture that shows my son's happiness when he's playing with princesses. And I love it when he plays with this set because it really shows his imagination working--he comes up with scenarios (dancing at a ball while the friends watch), goes through routines (bedtime rituals--they brush teeth, put on pajamas, read a story and get tucked in) and pretends everyday objects are other things (a small box becomes their bath or pool). 

And, finally, one of the biggest things to happen to me this month was attending the Minnesota Bloggers Convention. It was a great experience that I'm so happy I didn't chicken out of attending. I wrote about how stepping out of my comfort zone was the best thing I could have done. It's only by stretching that we grow. You can read about how I faced my fear here. 

So with October leaving us, we move on to November. And really, my favorite time of year...the holidays! Just wondering, is it too soon to be listening to Christmas music? I'm asking for a friend...

xo Sara

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For Girls Only

My son likes princess. He likes watching princess movies, he and his sister take turns being "Cinderella" when they play and he likes reading princess books. 

He also likes cars, balls, the Minnesota Twins, the Gophers (specifically Goldy), his toolbox, pirates, Mickey, Winnie-the-Pooh and Special Agent Oso (he's currently obsessed with that bear). And he loves his sister and wants to do what she does. And she loves princesses. 

Sometimes this fact about my son makes people's eyes widen a bit. I see that uncertainty, that next question, that look. Most of the time it ends with that. And I wonder if I should keep my son's love of princesses to myself (he'll probably wish I had when he's older...but, too late now). I wonder if it's something we should just acknowledge behind closed doors. 

And then I realize how ridiculous that is. 

Who cares. Who cares that he likes princesses. That's just one of his many interests. 

And why is it that my daughter's love of building (a more traditional "boy" activity) is celebrated but my son liking princesses is not? And, more importantly, why are these gender roles assigned to toys?

Have you walked down a toy aisle recently? Everything (and I mean every. single. thing.) is marketed for either boys or girls. Including things that don't even make sense to assign a gender to, like Magna Doodles. Sure my daughter likes pink, but you know what? So does my son. Do I really need Legos that are specifically marketed just for my daughter? 

I have a boy and a girl. And they are 11 months a part. So they play with a lot of the same toys, watch the same cartoons, read the same books. They like a lot of the same things. The older they get the more like twins they seem, not just "irish twins." And my husband and I joke that we just need to always buy two of the same things--because whatever one has, the other wants. It really doesn't matter what it is. 

I'm used to outside opinions on this matter, but in our house we are accepting of all likes. We encourage and embrace, we don't shame and deny.  At least that's what I thought. The outside has slowly crept in, as I discovered when I overheard this exchange between my children recently.

They were in my daughter's room and she was looking at a pile of princess books. B approached and wanted to look, too. And E said: 

"No, B! Princess books are for girls! Go play with your cars."

I wondered where she had heard this. I wondered if she really understood what she was saying. I wondered if she knew how badly she had hurt her brothers feelings. I also wondered if she thought of cars as something she shouldn't play with. At this point none of that was important, what mattered was that the crying little boy knew that he could, indeed, look at the princess books. 

We eventually reached an agreement over the princess books. I decided to make it more of a "sharing" issue than a "gender stereotype" issue. I figured I'd have better luck approaching it from that angle. But I did make sure to talk about how ALL our toys are for boys AND girls. 

It was one of those parenting moments that made me think. I have a feeling I'll have lots of those over the next few years...especially with having a boy and a girl. And yes, I'm sure I'll write all about them (sorry to future E and future B).

xo Sara

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