Starting with the day you arrived, a month early and with barely any warning, you’ve kept me on my toes. Most of the time I find myself still processing one thing you asked for/announced before realizing that you’ve asked for 3 more things. You rattle off stats, interesting facts, commercial jingles, news about your day, scores, etc. at such a rate that my head is constantly spinning.

From newborns to quarantine to all the times between, the chair has been there, supporting whoever sat down upon its cushions.

Yesterday we gave it up. In a few more weeks we’ll move out of our house and start a new adventure. I hope that whoever moves in feels the love that occupied this house and fills it with their own memories.

And their own special chair.

I see you as you are right now. You’re in this in-between world, a place where you want to be treated older than your years say you are and sometimes feel younger than your age, too. A place where you have strong opinions on things and don’t understand why others don’t just “get with it” and agree with your OBVIOUSLY right point of view. A place where you think that I don’t understand while also wanting to tell me everything. A place where it feels like so much is about to happen and you just want time to hurry up so it all starts.

I’ll tell you the same thing that was once told to me. Don’t be in such a rush for the future that you forget to enjoy the present. Live in the moment, enjoy your friends and family and what is happening now.

But through it all, B’s spirit has been, in many ways, the glue to this family. His joy and laughter and words (all the millions of words he speaks every hour of every day) bring so much happiness to our home. Although there are times that I wish I didn’t live with a live, never-ending, talking sports ticker (I’m not kidding he really doesn’t stop talking), I still wouldn’t change anything about him.

I joke about wanting to freeze time because it’s going too fast but I want to tell you a secret. I am actually MORE excited to watch you grow up and see the woman you will become. Because I can already tell you are going to be one inspiring and compassionate woman and I can’t wait to say, “See her? I’m her mom.”

B is straight-up funny. It’s not just what he says, it’s his timing and his ability to read a room and play up things. He’s a natural entertainer. And let me tell you—given what the past couple of months have been like out in the world, I have needed his humor and spirit like never before.

I woke up one morning recently with the sudden realization: E is one year away from being in the double digits. It took me back to when she was negative years old and I counted things by months—that was the last time double digits were mentioned in conjunction with her age. And in so many ways that feels both like yesterday and a decade ago.

He has discovered his love of reading on his own and being read to, preferably by his sister, which basically melts my heart. And the craziest thing happened: I saw him reading more on his own and I got sad.