Noisy Acting

One evening the kids were running around and being loud, doing nothing but making lots of noise with the sole purpose of irritating me.

After I gave up repeatedly asking them to be quiet, I actually watched them. I was pleasantly surprised.

They were acting out a cartoon they had recently watched. Words, actions, everything. Acting. They went from happy to mad to sad to happy...they had the dialogue down...and all the running around? Well, they were just acting out an ice skating scene.

They were so dramatic...in a very good way.

It's funny the stuff that just seems like noise until you stop and pay attention. Lesson learned.

The props. None of these were used as originally intended.

xo Sara

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No More No

I was changing the paper towel roll in the kitchen the other day when I set the old, empty roll on the counter as I attached a new one. My son came over and started reaching for it, asking if he could have it. 

I said no. 

I then stopped what I was doing. Why had I just said no? And why had I said it so quickly, with no thought? As though there was no other option?

I grabbed the empty roll and handed it to my son. He took it quickly (perhaps in fear that I'd once again change my mind) and then just stared at it in awe. In the week that followed, he only let go of it for bath time. It went in the car with him. It went outside with him. It went to bed with him. He pretended it was a telescope. A microphone. A sword. He played drums with it. His cars went through it. Endless entertainment. His fantastic imagination, on display. 

It has been the best new "toy" he's probably ever received. And I almost denied him this opportunity. 

I wasn't saying no just to be mean. I wasn't saying no because I thought it was a dangerous toy. In fact I wasn't saying no for any reason whatsoever. I said no out of reflex. Without thinking, as though 'no' is the only answer.

A few days later the kids were wrestling. This is a normal occurrence at our house. I told them to stop. They did...and then they started running around and yelling. I yelled (yes, the irony is not lost on me), "No yelling! No running!"

B stopped and said, "mommy, don't say no!"

Yes, it was a little sassy, but also a good reminder. I do say no a lot. As a mom of two preschool-aged kids, it's kind of necessary. 

At least that's what I always assumed.

From no running, no coloring on walls, no more tv, no candy for breakfast to no you can't have that. No you can't do this. No we can't go there. no. No. NO. 

I started to think about how many times a day I say no to my kids. And how many times that 'no' is just a reflex, typically because I'm preoccupied with something.

It's time to flip the script. At least that's what I'm trying to do. There will still be plenty of opportunities to say no...they are 3 and 4, after all. But I am trying to take a breath when I'm asked something. And I'm trying to only say 'no' if I have a reason. I want it to be easier to say 'yes.'

But, no, you really can't have candy for breakfast. At least not every day.

xo Sara

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Rain, Rain...Don't Go Away

I've been a little unmotivated recently. 

I haven't written anything new. I'm behind on my reading. And don't even get me started on household chores.

But this morning instead of feeling the anxiety of it all, I felt content.

Because...
even though it's a gloomy morning
and there's rain on my window,
I've got coffee in hand,
mickey on tv,
blanket on,
and my son holding on to me.

It's a good day.

Happy Wednesday, friends.

xo Sara

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Where's the Mommy?

Last April I was going through pictures of the kids from the past year in anticipation for their birthdays. Considering the amount of photos I take on a daily basis, I was not lacking in quantity. 

But then I started noticing a disturbing trend. There were a lot of pictures of E and B. There were a lot of pictures of them with daddy. There were a lot of pictures of our dog. There were a lot of pictures of the entire family, minus one person.

Me. 

Some of that is for an obvious reason--I'm taking the majority of the pictures. And although I'm a "selfie" pro (you know, when I can control the exact angle, filters, etc.), most of the time when I'm taking pictures of the kids it is not practical to be in it with them. Plus, I'm mostly trying to either capture a moment between the kids or I want them to be the focal point of the picture. 

But, sometimes when there are pictures of me with the kids I become hyper-critical of myself and decide I don't like it for whatever reason. I look fat. I hadn't showered yet. I'm not wearing make-up and I look completely washed out. Whatever the ridiculous reason, I decide it's not good enough. And I delete them.

Taking a lot of pictures with my phone is both awesome and bad. Awesome because I take a lot of pictures. Bad because I can quickly flip through those pictures and delete with ease. And before I know it, the set of pictures that had me in them are all gone.

At first when I saw that I was lacking in pictures I thought maybe it was just a fluke. That they were somewhere else or it was just recently that this "epidemic" started. So I went back over our pictures from the past 4 years. And as absent as I was in the past year, there was another year that I was completely missing. 

I was only in a handful of pictures from my daughter's first year. My first baby, the child that made me a mom. I spent that first year (as do most first-time moms I believe) tired. Well, exhausted really. Oh, and when she was 12 weeks old I found out I was pregnant again. So to say that I wasn't exactly in the mood to be photographed would be an understatement.

Regardless, I was there. But there are very few pictures to show my daughter of her and me in her first year. One picture I do have is this one of four generations of women. My grandma, my mom, me and my daughter, taken approximately 12 hours after giving birth.

And to think that it took years for me to like this picture. I always appreciated it but hated how "swollen" and "splotchy" I looked. How ridiculous is that negative self-talk? This isn't about perfection, it's about the moment. And that moment is beautiful. 

I cannot go back and change what has already happened. I can't make pictures that aren't there suddenly appear. But I can make a better effort of being in the pictures with my kids. The last two years that E has been in school I made sure to get a "1st day of school" picture with her. 

September 2013

September 2014

I don't know why I'm so critical of myself but I don't want my daughter to hear that. I don't want my negative self-talk to become her inner voice (I wrote about that here). So I'm making an effort to be IN the picture. And to love them--flaws and all. Because you know what? My daughter loves looking at pictures and loves seeing her family. She's not seeing all the dumb little things I'm seeing, she's seeing her mommy and herself. And she LOVES those pictures.

I need to start seeing pictures through my daughter's eyes.

xo Sara

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The Last Time

Last week my husband emailed me this. It stopped me in my tracks; I thought you might enjoy it, as well.

www.writingwithbangles.com

I share this not as a depressing way to start your week, but as a reminder. A reminder to be grateful for everything: the good, the bad and the ugly. A reminder to savor the moment you are in, no matter how tough that stage may be. Because you never know when this phase will be over and the next one will start.

www.writingwithbangles.com

So I'm embracing this moment. The cuddles, the singing, the craziness, the loudness, the tantrums, the kisses, the stories, the dinosaurs, the princesses, the cars, the blocks (except for the amount of times I step on those darn things!), the fighting, the spilt milk, the messes, the exhaustion and the hugs. All those hugs. I'll never stop hugging, even when they may push me away. So, right now I'll take advantage of them wanting and initiating the affection.

Enjoy every moment. A good reminder.

xo Sara

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A Bad Day

Have you ever heard the saying that bad things happen in threes? 

I had a bad day last week. 1. My son fell and hurt his face. 2. A lack of communication from my daughter's preschool has resulted in her not starting on time. 3. I got sick. It wasn't even over the span of an entire day that these things happened; it was over about an hour, which made it that much worse. Nothing was working, we were all in bad moods and I just wanted the day to end.

Well, the day did end. And the next day was a little better. And then the day after that was even better. As each day passed, nothing seemed as bad as it originally did. 

I simply carried Kleenexes with me everywhere I went. B's swollen lip returned to its normal size and he thankfully had no other major injuries. And with E starting school later, I just get a little extra time with my 4-year-old and who doesn't like that?

Perspective. My "bad day" wasn't really that bad in hindsight. No one likes seeing their kids hurt--physically or emotionally. B's wounds have healed and E's disappointment has been replaced with excitement over some fun activities we're doing this week. And once I get over this cold I will love being able to smell and taste things again. Perspective. 

It's taken me a long time to learn about perspective. As someone who has a history with depression, it used to be the littlest of things that would send me spiraling.

I'm grateful that I can have a bad afternoon and not have a bad week...or longer.

I'm grateful that my dark times aren't so dark.

I'm grateful that when things start to seem gray I can lean on those close to me to help.

I'm grateful that my husband knows me so well that when I start to slip, he's there to catch me...and to help me pick myself back up.

I'm grateful that I'm learning this lesson: 

xo Sara

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Make a Splash

writingwithbangles.com

This was from a couple of weeks ago when our snow was (slowly) melting away.

I watched my daughter jump so freely in puddle after puddle. Filled with so much happiness. Freedom. Not thinking about getting messy or wet or falling down. Just focused on making the biggest splash. And not stopping.

The lessons we can learn from preschoolers. 

Happiness can be found anywhere, even among mountains of snow in April.

Keep jumping, no matter how wet or messy you get. The biggest splash might be next!

Don't be afraid to fall, that will just stop you from trying.

And sometimes you have to get a little messy to truly enjoy yourself.

Today I'll focus on making my own splash. Do you want to join?

xo Sara

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