I was changing the paper towel roll in the kitchen the other day when I set the old, empty roll on the counter as I attached a new one. My son came over and started reaching for it, asking if he could have it. 

I said no. 

I then stopped what I was doing. Why had I just said no? And why had I said it so quickly, with no thought? As though there was no other option?

I grabbed the empty roll and handed it to my son. He took it quickly (perhaps in fear that I'd once again change my mind) and then just stared at it in awe. In the week that followed, he only let go of it for bath time. It went in the car with him. It went outside with him. It went to bed with him. He pretended it was a telescope. A microphone. A sword. He played drums with it. His cars went through it. Endless entertainment. His fantastic imagination, on display. 

It has been the best new "toy" he's probably ever received. And I almost denied him this opportunity. 

I wasn't saying no just to be mean. I wasn't saying no because I thought it was a dangerous toy. In fact I wasn't saying no for any reason whatsoever. I said no out of reflex. Without thinking, as though 'no' is the only answer.

A few days later the kids were wrestling. This is a normal occurrence at our house. I told them to stop. They did...and then they started running around and yelling. I yelled (yes, the irony is not lost on me), "No yelling! No running!"

B stopped and said, "mommy, don't say no!"

Yes, it was a little sassy, but also a good reminder. I do say no a lot. As a mom of two preschool-aged kids, it's kind of necessary. 

At least that's what I always assumed.

From no running, no coloring on walls, no more tv, no candy for breakfast to no you can't have that. No you can't do this. No we can't go there. no. No. NO. 

I started to think about how many times a day I say no to my kids. And how many times that 'no' is just a reflex, typically because I'm preoccupied with something.

It's time to flip the script. At least that's what I'm trying to do. There will still be plenty of opportunities to say no...they are 3 and 4, after all. But I am trying to take a breath when I'm asked something. And I'm trying to only say 'no' if I have a reason. I want it to be easier to say 'yes.'

But, no, you really can't have candy for breakfast. At least not every day.

xo Sara

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